Guest blogger:  Hobbes the cat

I am a cat and right now I am pretty fucking pissed off.

For years, I have just dealt with it when I heard how “finicky” cats are, how the people we live with are “crazy cat people” and how we make people sneeze.  I have put up with all of these insults and innuendo but now CNN has just pushed me a stroke too damn far.  That’s right CNN, and you know my buttons really have to be pushed when I stoop to blogging at the bottom of the barrel “news” outlet that is CNN.  I would do a better job of hosting news shows than some of the clowns you hire.  Seriously, one woman told Budget Chairman Ryan that she “didn’t want to get into a numbers game with him.”  Jesus Christ, I am a freaking house cat and I know BUDGETS ARE MADE UP  OF NUMBERS.

But even that crap didn’t piss me off as much as this:http://www.cnn.com/2011/LIVING/05/14/why.cats.bite.mnn/index.html?hpt=C2

What the hell?  I don’t have the same right to personal space as everyone else?  Sure, I appreciate the affection and love but they go out all day — sometimes I get left for DAYS and then they come home and I need to be all instantly in the mood?  What if I was sleeping?  Do you know how tiring my life is?

And to add insult to injury, why is it that everyone thinks all cats are girls?  Do I look like a girl to you?  Do I?  Do I?

Yes, yes I do.  Do you know why?  Because one one winter day several years ago, the people I live with cut my balls off.  That’s right.  Just took me away and had it done.  Did they say boo about it?  No, they did not.  Did they ask if I was ok with it?  No, they did not.  I went to sleep and woke a little lighter.  And really fucking sore.  Bastards.

Note the before and after photos.  The photo on the left is what I had as a kitten.

Ok, this isn’t the easiest picture to make out but do you know hard it is for cat to take of photo of this? Take my word for it, it is a sad state of affairs.

The right is what I carry around now.  I am four years old.  Seriously, if you cannot see a size difference there, you are not looking.

Ok, that first photo is actually the kitten that lives here now, but it could be me.  You don’t know what I looked like when I was a kitten, I didn’t know I needed to take photos to prove the size of my junk.

Do you see why maybe we don’t always feel like snuggling when you get home from work?  We are proud animals.  We deserve some fucking respect.  And hop to with the litter box, I am no fucking mood to smell my own pee