Category Archives: What the actual fuck?

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Random thoughts on a windy day

That’s my friend, James Thompson. I met him when I was living in Gainesville, Florida. Yesterday, I learned that he killed himself earlier in the week. Just before I read about this tragedy, Harvey Ward posted on Facebook about men and suicide. This is unbelievably sad. I wish I could have done something. It felt so random to read of his passing.

This is what Jeremiah Tattersall told the Gainesville Sun:

“He was a very, very kind man. There are very few things that happened progressively in Alachua County that didn’t at least have his fingerprints, often behind the scenes,” Tattersall said. “It was always great to talk with him. We would start talking about something small, like the school board and the unions, for maybe 20 minutes and then talk another two hours about art, life, children, friends. It was also like that with him.”

James also wrote this piece in the Iguana.

It’s hard to think that James was suffering. I am comforted by the fact that he was surrounded by people who did care about him. That might seem strange, given how things turned out but it goes to show how little we know about what’s happening with the people around us. I can be in a crowd of people and feel totally alone.

I also understand, more than I would like, the thought process he may have been experiencing. I have struggled with depression and anxiety and have had thought that I am not going to explain now. I just hope if anyone reading this ever feels they aren’t worth much (as I have felt) or that they need help, I am always here.

This has actually been a tough week for me. Not so much emotionally but physically. I went in for an upper endoscopy (EGD) on Monday and while the procedure itself went fine, it takes about ten to 15 minutes, the experience was harrowing. It felt random the way I experienced this test, which I had had before.

The problem, as it always is, was getting the IV in. I always tell the nurses that I am a “hard stick.” Do they listen or believe me? Of course not! They were all, “we do this every day, all day.” It seemed a nurse got one in but it didn’t work. It took an anesthesiologist about 45 minutes and an ultrasound machine to get the job done and I am back to looking like a domestic violence victim or heroin addict.

I am not looking for sympathy here when I write this, it helps me to get this out of my system, but I experienced something I never have before. Lying on the stretcher, with the medical people trying to get an IV in, I felt more scared and vulnerable than I ever had before. One nurse kept poking and prodding and saying, “If that doesn’t work, I’ll go here!”

No, no you won’t. They tried my foot (hurts a lot). They tried my hands (never happening again). The doctor who finally got the IV told me to never let the nursing staff try and to just ask for an ultrasound.

I am lucky. I have good insurance and access to decent care but that was scary.

I had a city adventure on Tuesday

Fresh off my EGD on Monday, I went into the city on Tuesday

But there’s good news! I have lots of comedy shows coming up!

  • Thursday, September 16 @ 8 pm EDT. Zoom show. This is a fundraiser for the International Campaign for the Rohingya, the parent organization for the Campaign for a New Myanmar. You can get tickets here.
  • Saturdau, September 18 @ 8:30 pm. Coasters in East Meadow. Come on down!
  • Wednesday, September 29 @ 8 pm. The Broadway Comedy Club in NYC. Tix are normally $22 but give the guy my name and your ticket will be $11.
  • Friday, October 1 @ 9 pm. Contest show at Clyde’s in Mt. Sinai. This place used to be Barton’s Place.
  • Friday October 8 @ 8pm. Vagisilly at Coasters in East Meadow.

Did you see this?

My birthday was a few weeks ago and there is still time to donate to my fundraiser for the International Campaign for the Rohingya. You can learn more about that here.

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Wow. Do police ever bust real criminals?

VHS tape

I was on my new favorite website and doing my new favorite thing (posting funny things about news items) when I came upon a batshit crazy news item. The headline was, “A woman was charged with a felony for not returning a VHS tape. She found out 21 years later.” I had a stalker who threatened to kill me and I couldn’t get the police to take a report much less send out a warrant.

Apparently, Caron McBride, who moved from Oklahoma, where the tape was rented and never returned, to Texas. When she tried to change her name after getting married, she learned she had an outstanding warrant.

McBride, was charged with felony embezzlement of rental property in Oklahoma, where she previously lived, in March 2000 — more than a year after the tape of “Sabrina the Teenage Witch” was to be returned, court records show.

From USA Today — emphasis added.

Felony embezzlement? What the actual fuck? She is not alone here. In 2016, James Meyers was pulled over for a broken brake light (he was white, so he is still alive) and was told there was a warrant for his arrest. He had rented and not returned Freddy got fingered in about 2001. The charges were dropped (D’Uh) but she is suing because that is tramautic. I hope she wins truckloads of cash.

After failing to bring it back, the local video store reportedly issued a warrant for his arrest. And there it sat for the last 15 years, until Meyers was stopped on his way to bring his daughter to school. According to a video he posted online, the police officer was “courteous” and explained to him that he had a warrant out for his arrest and would need to be booked.

Yahoo! News

First of all, how in the hell does a video store have the authority to issue a warrant??? Second, how is this a good use of a cop’s time? Of course, Kayla Michelle Finley had to spend a night in jail in 2014 because she never returned Monster-In-Law. She had rented it in 2005. Her story may be the most ridiculous. Not only did she have to spend a night in jail but:

The WYFF report says Finley was at the county sheriff’s office on another matter when an active warrant for her arrest was discovered. Chief Deputy Creed Hashe told the station that the store’s owner had asked a Pickens County judge for the warrant years ago when Finley didn’t return her video.


Finley spent the night in jail because her bond hearing couldn’t be held until Friday morning. A judge released her on $2,000 bond.

CNN

She had to pay a $2,000 bond??? Judges can let people go with no bond. This was a serious enough crime to give her a bond? When did video store owners wield this much power?

I keep hearing that the police have hard jobs and that’s why they are so amped up and shoot black people all the time. My experience has been that they haven’t been at all interested when someone threatened to kill me, raped me, mugged me or just sent harassing messages. Maybe if I said, “he rented a video and never brought it back” I would have gotten some help.